Perseverance

It's hard to describe in words the solemn despair,

No reward, no end yet, not even halfway there.

Just more things to kill me, more fears and more pain,

In a short time now, I’ll wait once again.

A year seems quite long to await some new torment,

But I’m losing more time with each passing moment.

The longer I wait, the less time I have,

In stasis life passes by, nothing left but to laugh.

Perhaps some kind of madness lingers in my mind,

Insanity and serenity leave reality behind.

A built up rage burns the sadness deep inside.

On a torrent of resilience the passionate rage does ride.

A turbulent clash of self, as my mind is torn apart.
A focused calm replaces fear, emboldening the heart.

But even with this new found courage, death is my shadow.

It walks along reminding me I’m steps from the gallows.

Love beside me, whisper shouts be filled with hope and joy,

Reminding me it's not so lonely, with love and friendship employed.

I was attempting to write how i feel about the potential of this treatment failing. It's impossible to truly explain, especially in this limbo.

The pole is awfully low....but i still have hope.

The doc's visit yielded no major new issues, but a colonoscopy just to check, in fact my blood levels are up!