Better things than angry

As a whole my GI doctors don’t generally like to look at me, if they don’t have good news. The average age of the people they see is in their late forties, and were exposed to HCV by doing something during their lifetime. Whereas I was born, got it, have failed treatment three times and have worse liver damage than many of their late forty year-old patients. So it’s not exactly easy with all of this knowledge to give me anything less than good news.

While I appreciate the consideration of my doctors to constantly reassure me of my resilience, sometimes they’re not always… tactful.

Doc: Normally if a person with your level of cirrhosis were to bleed as often as you have in the last year, they’d die.

Me: Well that’s nice.

Doc: But even with that, you’re still going to need a transplant… You’ll need to without another bleed for a year, and then we can look at a study.

Me: I’ll do my best, Varicies will start bleeding, and I’ll be like ‘Nah man.’

Doc: You have a really optimistic outlook despite this horrible situation you had no control over, If I were to be in this situation I’d probably be really angry all the time.

Me: Yea, well like you said, I’m resilient. It can’t be helped, if I spent all my energy being angry, how would I have any left to get better?

There is also the reality that within a few years I’ll be due for a transplant if I can’t make some headway in the next treatment. It is not a treatment though... it is currently an interferon free study, which has far greater risks than an FDA certified treatment.

It was a rather depressing way to spend forty dollars. But I realized that I don’t fight most things, I allow them to pass, so that I can pour my fight into things I truly care about.