Is the Titanic technically an icebreaker?

Before online dating, ice breakers were relatively impersonal. Online dating has given us the benefit of the profile. The idea that we know a little bit about the person before actually engaging conversation.

In late February I decided to openly display my HCV status on my dating profile.

Before doing so I took to Reddit for some critiques. Unsurprisingly the voices of strangers echoed the voices of my friends in the leeriness of posting that I have Hep C.

I am still petrified that they might be right.

At first I was surprised to see my interactions double, likes increased. I assumed it was in response to my honesty about my status.

In the messages or in conversation, it was easy to see when they read/understood that I have HCV. The tone changed, questions changed, and I became more of a curio than a person.

This doesn't always happen, but when it does it's nauseating. HCV listing did not affect my ability to get new numbers. It did lead to longer interactions and more time before the initial first date though. My profile will only be up for a few more months as the dating process is (emotionally at the least) exhausting. Listing my status means I tell every person I date regardless of how far it goes, and that's a lot of elevator speeches about HCV.

To those of you without HCV or similar Invisible Disability (ID) stigma, it is rare to see the reaction like this. To wear ID stigma so openly when you don't need to... doesn't  generally happen.

I came across critics who's response to my posting of my HCV status, was "duh, What did you expect?" Or advising against listing it as a whole.

HCV is kinda odd in this experience. In many ways it shares the same intimacy fears that HIV can have. But HCV's side effects don't really kick into gear until sometimes decades after infection.

One of the reasons I'm doing this is because I want my generation to know how prevalent this disease is.

I want people with Hep C to know they're not alone.

I want it to be uncomfortable, that's how we change and grow.
And to know that after two months of listing my status, my response rates haven't changed... makes me smile a lil bit.

Numbers and Birds for scale:
To give you a better picture of just how frequently I mean, in a collective 4 years (in between relationships from 22-30) I've gone on around 200 first dates, and around 40 second-fifth dates.
Normally within a month period (between all apps) 4-5 new numbers.

The thing is, I use the app differently because I'm not looking for NSA or casual sex and I'm not looking to settle down. I'm looking to meet new people, if we click like we should then that typically translates to friendship. Every so often there's some passionate romantic blur, and something bigger.

There is something beautiful in finite experiences.

Breaking the ice with HCV isn't all that advisable unless you're very comfortable with yourself and your knowledge of it. Icebergs can still sink a ship.

Edges and Pills

As 2016 began I was excited to be defining my timeline for treatment soon. However, my early morning appointment with the doc turned out to be less exciting. She answered my questions as best she could however the FDA had yet to release that information: Zepatier is still waiting.

In Canada, the drug was recently approved. This by no means necessarily speaks to any superior efficacy, merely different timelines and different standards. (California has three million more citizens than Canada, smaller governments can act faster.)

Normally we would proceed with an off label prescription, however Zepatier is a new drug not a new combo of drugs.

Sometimes with Hep C (HCV) meds combination uses are FDA recommended. If they're not, then it can be harder to get them approved from an insurance company. In 2014 Sovaldi and Olysio were approved separately, however their use to treat HCV as a combination took an additional set of studies which was approved later. I took the combo two months prior to its FDA approval because of the 'off label' option.

In the case of Zepatier it has not been approved and since it is not a combo therapy it cannot be prescribed 'off label'. I can hope for a trial while I wait, but other than that I really have no options yet.

Treatment is part of what I need to do to get healthy. Treatment can cure me but it can't heal me, the exhaustive damage to my liver I've already sustained is enough to very nearly kill me. My liver doesn't have long, maybe a year or two if I'm lucky. So treatment is really only part of what I have to do to survive this.

This is an outline of the major sectors I'll be focusing on as I go through treatment:
Nutrition- Low Sodium, High protein diet with liver friendly foods.
Exercise- 1-2 hours per day 1/2 cardio, tone down existing program: P90X.


P90x is workout regimen for those already in shape. I have spent the last 3 months doing a combination of low impact work-outs and walking (at first only about a mile a day, but now near three months later I average 5 miles per day.) Even though I'm better off than I was a few months ago, doing P90X is no cakewalk. It is an intense as you need it to be, which is why I like it.


Social- Connect deeper with friends by learning more about them.
Emotional- Talk to others about experiences, and complete goals.

As I implement these changes in my life I will be logging my physical and emotional state during treatment.

The doctor's visit was not without good news however, as my MRI results are fine: thankfully no cancer. Most everything else seems to be in good health, which is always relieving to hear.

With no knowledge of when I start treatment, it's going to make dating with Hep C that much more complicated.
Wait, what? Dating? What about health, treatment and focusing on all of that....

Yea, Dating. I'm 29, so it's part of my life and one I shouldn't ignore. I've learned from the emotional stress and depression of my prior treatments.

It's important to keep close the people and things that make us feel alive.

What composes us makes us wonderful but definition is found at the edges, in differences and limitations. Edges are the best place to build, it may require a little more balance but to expand the horizon is something uniquely human.